I think I’ve mentioned my wife, L., is a designer for an LA architectural firm and has, over the years, built a solid reputation for herself. Recently she took me on a tour of one of her company’s most recent projects– the LAPD’s Rampart Station. This command center watches over the city through several giant TV screens in the Rampart watch commander’s office. It’s a thing of beauty, really; part medieval, part modern, part Spartan. Ballistic-resistant glass block and state-of-the-art Nautilus systems.When we were taken past the gray cinderblocked, windowless rooms with tables and chairs bolted to the floor, I piped up, “Oh, these must be the interrogation rooms.” The tour guide– a cop, himself– threw me a hardcore glare and replied, “We call them ‘interview areas.’ Hey, no argument from me, but I was curious what their term was for the pieces of hard rubber hose they brought with them when they conducted their interviews. ‘Encouragement devices?’
Speaking of which, I had my PPI today.
I don’t like going to personal priesthood interviews (PPIs) with the stake president, and it’s not for fear of being told I’m not doing a good job. It’s for sitting in such close proximity to this spiritual man who is over so much, and being exposed for the fraud I really am. I negotiate through the conversation like I’m tiptoeing out of the nursery after finally getting the baby to sleep, weighing each footfall carefully and hoping I don’t step on a squeaky toy. When talking to the SP I try to sound self-deprecating, spiritually-minded, proactive, introspective, soul-searching, positive, intelligent and, above all, real. It’s not easy playing genuine, I assure you. Through the meeting there are times I can’t tell if I really am sincere, or if I’m just pitching sincere. I constantly go in and out of my body, playing, in turn, dutiful group leader and sideline onlooker, gauging myself by how good I sound to my own ears and the subtle nuances of his reactions. Sometimes I do really feel the passion I exude. Other times I know it’s the response I’m supposed to give. The worst part is wondering if he can see the computations running through my head while all of this is going on, and is asking himself why I look like Hymie the Robot getting ready to blow a cog.
The interview happened to fall on the same day our ward began strategizing its California Proposition 8 game plan. First in opening exercises the bishop informed us that there’d be a meeting on it after the block. Then one of his counselors gave a rather lengthy sacrament talk on the importance of the proposition. Then during priesthood they passed out sign-up forms for those who’d like to volunteer to call other ward members for donations (I didn’t sign up). And then during the Prop 8 meeting, a sister went over the phone script, stressing several times “no pressure or guilting, but reminding them that the directive came from Church headquarters.”
The stake president asked me point blank what I thought of the sacrament talk. I said I thought it was a little long and, considering it was preaching to the choir, complete ad nauseum. He sort of muttered, “yeah…” as if he had gotten that feedback already. I told him I planned to contribute money, I just didn’t want to volunteer to make phone calls. I guess that was one of my “realer” moments. Something I didn’t tell him– and that bothers me a little– is that I’ll be making my check out to ProtectMarriage.com, a coalition of people and churches, some whom contributed to the defeat of Mitt Romney because he was a Mormon (Oh sure, now they love us). But, of course, my prophet told me I should, so I am.
After the PPI ended, we hugged and I went home to watch the Mad Men marathon, submerging myself in an era when protecting marriage and Proposition 8s weren’t yet even dark clouds on the distant horizon.
10 responses so far ↓
1 fifthgen // Jul 21, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Wow. In the “Count Your Many Blessings” category, I had not even considered that I do not have to go in for PPIs about Proposition 8. Yet. I am not sure how that would go . . .
I know I would not have volunteered to make calls and would not have been at the meeting after the block. But what would I tell the SP?
2 Karron // Jul 21, 2008 at 9:13 pm
This topic is such a non starter here in the South. One thing I have learned over the years is that you have to go with what you feel is right in your heart and spirit. That is called agency. (FYI, I am one of those sisters who still has three ear rings in each ear, and it isn’t about to change anytime soon.)
One of the perks of being female is not having to have PPI interviews. I get nervous enough when I have to go in for my temple recommend. Don’t much like authority, and really don’t like being judged by a human, but there you go, it is part of the choice I made to be a member of the church.
What is Mad Men? Never heard of it, but that comes from being raised overseas and without a television for a large part of my life. took me years to catch up when we moved back stateside.
3 David // Jul 21, 2008 at 9:32 pm
fifthgen,
Tell him you never noticed before just what a strapping, handsome man he is.
Karron,
I’m not a big fan of hands-on authority either, but have been used to the scrutiny ever since those heady parochial school days (“David! Did you just put paste in your mouth?! Put out your hand!” THWACK!)
Mad Men is a relatively new TV show (its second season starts this Sunday on the AMC cable network) about a Madison Avenue ad executive, his office and his family in 1960-61. Apparently they used to call the ad execs “mad men” back in the day, presumably a play on “ad men on Madison Ave.” It’s one of my current favorite programs.
I, on the other hand, was raised on the robust goodness of American television from infancy and have not a greater addiction to boast.
4 fifthgen // Jul 21, 2008 at 11:09 pm
(chucke)
5 fifthgen // Jul 21, 2008 at 11:10 pm
I mean, (chuckle)
6 Karron // Jul 22, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Holy Hannah David, welcome to my world! I went to school in Army schools all over the world. Some how they all had the same teacher clones who must have really hated kids. I was terrified of my first grade teacher – she looked like an evil Bette Davis. I got whacked regularly too, because I could read at a fifth grade level in first grade etc. Made me stronger, and it made me pretty much think authority was a joke. But I grew up some since my teenage years. Not much, but some.
Will check out Mad Men when I get a chance to grab the TV from my 13 year old. Thank goodness the Avatar marathon is finally over.
7 David // Jul 24, 2008 at 5:54 am
Okay, Karron, now you got me. I have no idea what Avatar is.
8 xoxoxo // Jul 25, 2008 at 7:28 am
You don’t know what Avatar is? My word man, where have you been? You are indeed a lucky father if you have no clue what it is!!!
9 Steve Evans // Aug 4, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Excellent story David, and excellent taste in television as well: Mad Men is fantastic — or, at its worst, simply gorgeous and immersive. PPIs? Not so much.
And listen to the others re: Avatar: The Last Airbender. Netflix the dvds sometime, you’ll become a believer.
10 David // Aug 5, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Steve,
*sigh*… Well now that I’ve received so many witnesses my curiosity is too piqued for me to ignore Avatar– even while all my natural instincts tell me it’s a mistake to go there. Thank goodness for Netflix, the digital one-night stand.
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